Let’s Move in a Different Direction
Posted on Aug 11th, 2019
There are quite a few flaws in our lives. This is meant in no derogatory way, no. It is just something worth taking a good look at.
Under normal circumstances, people will immediately see certain things as bad and derogatory. I hate to break it to them, it could be intended in the opposite way.
Please note, this can be in any aspect of life. Friendship, and/or love. It is just the simplest way to share what hit me hard a week, or so, ago. I am not a psychologist, and therefore whatever I share below might not even be the right thing to say. This is the personal attempt at looking back at what hurt me.
For couples so eager to call it quits after the infatuation wears off, to throw in the towel on your relationship because everything isn’t ‘perfect’… here is some food for thought. Lifelong commitment is not what most people think it is. It’s not waking up every morning to make breakfast and eat together. It’s not cuddling in bed until both of you fall asleep. It’s not a clean home, filled with laughter and love making every day. It’s someone who steals all the covers, and snores, it’s slammed doors and a few harsh words at times. It’s stubbornly disagreeing and giving each other the silent treatment until your hearts heal, and then offering forgiveness. It’s coming home to the same person every day that you know loves and cares about you in spite of, and because of, who you are. It’s laughing about the one time you accidentally did something stupid. It’s about dirty laundry and unmade beds. It’s about helping each other with the hard work of life. It’s about swallowing the nagging words instead of saying them out loud. It’s about eating the easiest meal you can make and sitting down together at a late hour because you both had a crazy day. It’s when you have an emotional breakdown and your love lays down with you and holds you, and tells you everything is going to be okay. And you believe them. It’s about still loving someone even though sometimes they make you absolutely insane. Loving someone isn’t always easy, sometimes it’s hard. But it is amazing and comforting and one of the best things you will ever experience. I’m so blessed to have my husband as my partner, lover & friend and that we can pray together, sing together and live life together!The Couples Quote
Ignore that this is a couple’s quote. This kind of friendship and love is what you should live with for everyone in your life. Bad things may happen, it is something that you should try and stick to for you to overcome any problems faced.
How Could This Happen?
Consider this. You tell Joe to make a cake. Joe bakes the coconut vanilla cake I shared here recently. Is that incorrect? Well, yes, I accidentally messed the recipe up a bit. That shouldn’t decide if it is correct, or incorrect alone.
Technically, it could be completely incorrect for a different reason. You might have told Joe 3 months ago you don’t like coconut in cakes. Honestly? You told him, yet he made it.
There is nothing wrong there. Sometimes we accidentally do what someone doesn’t like. That is essentially human nature. Put yourself in Joe‘s shoes, it was not an attempt to do something you don’t like. It was to share we all do that for no reason, accidents can happen. Technically, I have this problem in a different way, however, everyone can have those bad days where they lose a lot of their memories.
This is something that can occur in several different ways, for several different reasons. It is just to shed light on the fact that this can happen to every one of us. To be better as a person, just let accidents happen. Sure, let Joe know he forgot you don’t like coconut in cakes, just don’t fight it.
Depending on what it is, it can head in completely different directions. The cake example doesn’t shed light on the difficulty it can introduce.
When this happens to us, we should try our best to be forgiving. Personally, I sit with a different version of this struggle. I will get livid, then fight back. “I told you I don’t like coconut in cake,” is perfectly fine to share. My personal struggle is I can’t draw the line there. Stick to your friendship, consider if you say “So I guess you didn’t want to eat the cake with me…” There, it became negative.
That is why “how” is important for you to consider. This can be in both directions, Joe should understand I can’t control my anger. At all, ever, unfortunately. On our side, we mustn’t accidentally forget that sometimes other people can have a bad time.
It would be better for both sides to pay attention to how it is just something significant we should make sure we try to remember. Our anger at Joe? Please, remember that we become offensive when angry. Joe making the cake we really despise? Please, make sure if you want to give us something nice, and friendly, that you know it is the correct choice.
Why Would This Happen to me?
This is more or less flawed ideas in what can happen. It is important to understand that whatever you do, or say, can be seen in a negative light. You might not be trying to say something negative, it just might be that way. The other person might not mean to see it as something negative, it can just unfortunately happen.
When you are hit with bad memory, or perhaps it might seem like an extremely bad thing if someone questions what you do or say. It is negative, but you shouldn’t let it hit you badly.
No. Since people are living with their own ideas in life, they will at times say and do things against you. It may not be logical, at all… So don’t expect to always understand that.
They might dislike you because they didn’t talk to you properly one day, yet you questioned it.
Consider talking to them every day, all day. Suddenly, they don’t talk to you properly for a few days? I mean sure, every few hours they send a smiley face, that probably won’t quite cut it. You hear nothing, they tell you nothing.
It is probably a better idea for you to not question them at all. Sure, you should question them, you should just look for signs they show if they do not want to actually talk to you about it. How people are today? They will fight back, then say you were the offensive one.
You can’t expect them to tell you why they won’t talk to you now. Nevermind why they just won’t. It is something you will need to be comfortable with, that would make things work out better.
Essentially, this can go both ways. Like shared above, my personal anger issues, we should make an attempt to be better as people. Bad things can definitely happen to us. Consider my injury was on the way to go watch a movie? Please just understand those bad things can happen to us. Not something we could necessarily see coming towards us, no.
Bad things can happen to anyone, which is why my personal rule has now become “I will never hold it against them. They are completely forgiven already, especially for them ignoring the fact that I currently have bad things occurring in my life.“
This doesn’t mean I will forget it, no, when something hurts me it gets glued into my memory, personally. Just take the better step forward, you can understand those bad things can happen to anyone.
This isn’t easy to say…
To be honest…
I’m sure you can understand this is being shared as it is something I experienced recently. This isn’t to beat anyone down, no. I’m not saying anything bad against them, no, I won’t hold it against them.
We just, unfortunately, need to live with the reality of what happened. People shouldn’t always expect us to do absolutely everything they expect.
They might trigger your extreme anger, we should try to rather kick it away and forgive them. Preferably to give them complete forgiveness. Not to say we are correct and they’re wrong, no. Not to say we’re incorrect and they’re right, no… Just to apologize for any trouble this causes.
We will, unfortunately, need to understand that despite what is promised to us we definitely might accidentally trigger something in the other person. They might get people they know to defend themselves, and help them. This could be in their defensive manner, they might not want to add difficulty for you…
Just do the easiest and most appropriate. Forgive them. They might not accept it, whether or not they feel they were correct. It makes you a better person.
One day they will regret whatever actions they use against you. Don’t fight them. It helps their arguments against you as a person. If it comes to it, despite the fact you may not like doing it, just block them. Unfortunately, kick them away. Everyone must accept that they are in charge of their lives, it is their responsibility. If they want to keep saying bad things to you, or about you, let them.
It might have been something bad I said, if so, sorry. It might have hurt you, if so, sorry. It might be difficult for you, if so, sorry. Give them the respectful apologies they deserve for whatever happened. Hopefully, it can stop the fighting and arguments against you.
You can make it turn into something good for yourself, just look in front of you, consider the fact that you can move forward, then move on.
We should all guarantee we continue moving forward, despite the bad negativity that hits us. Just say “sorry, it’s my fault” then move on. You can prove they were completely incorrect and offensive towards you… Don’t…
If this happens to you, just pause. You should understand that despite you turning around, apologizing, and fixing your mistakes, they might not ever want you back in their lives.
Give them their freedom, we will just need to move on. This might not be what you want at all, just understand it is a two-way road. If someone honestly cares about you when anything like this occurs they will definitely also try their best to be forgiving, and apologetic.
Don’t let things like this ever hit your core and cause you to feel completely incorrect.
Without forgiveness, there’s no future.Desmond Tutu
Sorry, it’s my fault.