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We all dream of having the best, happy, time with our partners. With that goal in mind, it can help to have a few, rather simple, adjustments to how you treat your partner, for the better. If your partner is willing to do these things for you as well, you’ve found a fantastic person to hold onto and keep in your life.

When you find the person that does all of these things for you it can shed light on your past experiences and how those people didn’t do what you actually wanted.

This isn’t to do with my disability. However, it’s important to note that if I had followed these boundaries I’d have made sure my disability wasn’t ignored. I learned the hardest thing which I never wanted to use in my past: How to use ‘No’.

1. Put yourself first

As harsh as it sounds, you love them, you will give them the world, go for it. Just remember to put yourself first, your happiness, safety, and comfort is as important as theirs.

Always learned the hard way, you must take care of your own safety even if others ignore what you tirelessly ask of them. Consider how you tell them you would rather use your own rental car, for safety, to an event, so you can go home before midnight. You shared you needed it; they fought to stop it happening. Do it, anyway, just keep yourself safe as much as you ever must. Your needs are most definitely important too, if you don’t put yourself first you won’t get what you need.

You can still always do what anyone asks, make sure everyone is happy and comfy. Just remember you’re important too, never take that for granted. Stick to what’s best for YOU. If you don’t put yourself first you will always allow unfortunate things to be done to you.

2. Set boundaries

Don’t let people force you to do what you do not want. You can keep the courteous distance from what you don’t want. Love one another; always respect the boundaries you both need.

I used to never stick to my own personal boundaries. It’s better if you can get them to agree with your ‘no’. As harsh as it might sound, don’t let them bug you to the point you take the ‘no’ away just to get them to stop. A boundary isn’t there to be broken, and your lover will respect them, and share theirs. The best situation will be when the distance of the boundaries is stuck to, by both of you, to love one another for the rest of time.

3. Do Daily Check-ins

We live in a world where everyone must work, get busy, and not have all the time in the world to chat. A daily check-in is recommended to help get to know how both of you are doing. When you’re both home from work take the little time to share ‘what went well today’ and also ‘what went wrong’. This isn’t to bring negativity. It will help to understand what they’re feeling, and facing at work, and any negative emotion you might see will be more understood.

Everyone jumps to the conclusion when my face is in anger, and worry, at the end of the day, that I must be angry against them. No. What I have is something a lot of people fall into, since my memory is troubled, I will spend an hour or two on a problem at work, get home, and be angry because I suddenly remember the correct method to use to solve the problem. If you check-in with one another, you can better understand feelings, and emotions.

4. Favours

Consider what you least enjoy doing out in public, my example is going into a cinema. There will be times when your partner wants something, like to go see a certain movie as it’s released, that you should enjoy helping them have what they really want in that moment.

I was personally seen as wanting to see a movie so much that I was asked to ‘go to a cinema’ as an experience. A lovely favour to me to get to see the movie sooner, a lovely favour for them to go to a movie cinema with someone they care about. It’s a win-win. It didn’t matter who organises what is done, who pays, who does what; just take the time to think of it similar to a game. Don’t just throw favours out like there’s no tomorrow, rather take the time to see what your partner would really like to do and every now-and-them throw the ‘card onto the table’ that you’ll do what they want as a favour.

Use your favours not to ask for returned favours, no. Use them as acts of kindness, and love, which can show them your love, and approval, goes further than just what you want. It’s always worth it to occasionally make your loved one smile as they didn’t expect your assistance.

5. Admit Annoyance

As harsh as it might sound, and seem, it’s important to admit it when something annoys you. It’s important for both of you to learn how whatever happens, or is said, annoys the other. When it’s shared, and known, an effort can be made to fix it. When you’re with the right person it will come through, and flow seamlessly, to where you both stick to what doesn’t annoy the other.

As someone who went through several long-winded gym cycles, and fitness routines, I try suggest others exercise for their wellbeing. When your other half complains about their weight, and shares they want to exercise, you give them all the resources they ask for, but do nothing about it? Admit your annoyance. It hurts more if, like me, you don’t admit it annoys you for almost 2 years.

Admitting annoyance works out better as it admits you have a small weak spot. People always look at it as if admission of what annoys them, a weak spot, makes them seem weaker. It will build up over time if you don’t admit it, and when something troublesome occurs your annoyances will rear their heads to bite like a cobra. Admit what annoys you, blatantly, since it can help you both.

6. Don’t Rely on Social Media Attention

Social media is lovely for many reasons. My main reasons: keep in touch with my distant close family, and close friends. Sure, I have hundreds of acquaintances whom I enjoy seeing succeed in life on my social media, but it doesn’t need to be used to draw attention. I mean, what hurts more than years with somebody and daily you get reminders which were with them, and they blocked you so you can never see photos of yourself despite being reminded? Sure, you can get them taken down, but there’s no point.

Keep it unique and enjoyable for you to build memories together. There’s no need to prove to anyone that you’re doing the perfect relationship besides yourselves. Do whatever you both love, and enjoy, together. Focus on building fabulous memories together. You can still, of course, take photos and make videos. Show them to who you ever want to, just know it isn’t needed to prove anything to anyone else. Build the memories for yourselves, and when you feel like it you can do the cool ‘sunset photo on the side of a yacht’ together to your social media when you feel like it.

Social media is nice for friends and family to see you’re doing well. Social media shouldn’t rule a relationship, enjoy life to the max as yourselves. Who cares if you always forget to share photos of what you ever do? You don’t have a judge and jury to make sure you live the most enjoyable life together.

7. When You Need Help: Admit It, and Get It

In March I was told by a psychologist I started to chat to she’s got a book for me to read. Whole Again goes deep into the idea of toxic recovery. I would explain it all from what I’ve experienced so far in my life, but it helped point out to my brain that I allowed what I knew was a problem from others. When things don’t seem to be working properly, for either one of you, you should both notice it, admit it, and go find out how you can fix it whether you know how.

Relationships aren’t always sunflowers and roses. It can help to take a little time to look at it with a different person’s perspective. The easiest way to do this is even go for once a month visits to a therapist who specialises in relationships. It can help as it can let you both see things in a way you didn’t realise yet.

Doing something as simple as this can help get a better understanding of the wants, and needs, of your other half. It’s important for every relationship. Loving, or professional, even.

Final Thought

We should always remember that despite it being a ‘little more effort,’ we can work together to be better in the relationship for one another.

By edg3