Reading Review: Whole Again – Jackson MacKensie

Posted on Dec 11th, 2022

This year started with uncomfortable problems that I needed to solve. Thanks to The Fifth Agreement for helping me realise more, once again. One thing which I did, to enjoy life more as a whole, lead to others getting dissappointed in me. In the turmoil which resulted I began to recognise patterns in what I was allowing people to do to me.

In a therapy session it became more understandable, the door I was running towards had already been slammed shut to stop me, it was pointed out I should do whatever I can to talk to people I don’t know again. I had nowhere to go, so I resorted to the old methods again, despite not wanting to. From the acquaintances I met using the method I have to give a shout out to J.F. She was working through this book for her studies, and she thought, knowing I could benefit from reading it, she’d share I should take a look at it.

I got the digital copy and went through it immediately; everything hit hard, in good ways, mind you. I immediately took the time to find a physical copy to also purchase for myself, it meant I could make my notes in sections as I read through it. Sure, The Fifth Agreement started the journey, but while fixing myself I didn’t have a way to solve the problems until after the disasters occured. One thing to remind everyone, I suffered a TBI in 2016, and I run my own life with a high focus on constant recovery, and increased knowledge. I just didn’t completely understand yet, not much at all. Whole Again fixed my understanding a tremendous amount.

What I am, to put it lightly, is a constant codependant.

What is a codependent person like?

Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem. Having fears of abandonment or an obsessive need for approval. Having an unhealthy dependence on relationships, even at your own cost. Having an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others.

Everyday Health

This, undoubtably, wasn’t a good thing for me. It managed to help me realise what I was letting slide. It’s okay for people to always want things for themselves. Just don’t do too much for people that stopped doing things for you. As it turned out, The Fifth Agreement became more understandable as well. While it wasn’t focused with relationships, it was where I was looking to try solve problems in life, in general.

Whole Again focuses more on relationships, it helped me understand what I wasn’t stopping. I let too much slide so it was detrimental for my mental wellbeing. I needed to press stop on quite a few things, it was harsh at first with the people who ran away, but the time has worked well in my favour. The important thing is if you focus on your own needs as well you’ll make sure they listen to you, like me constantly sharing my dissability needs.

That being said, if you don’t understand what’s happening, you’d likely let it slide like I did. When things said, and done, to you are detrimental for around a year; don’t just hang around saying to yourself it will get better after another month, another year, or even longer. People that truly care for you will not need to change, they just need to stop allowing things that aren’t good for you at all to happen to you. No pointing fingers, there’s no reason to name and shame anyone, just move on to a better present, and future, for yourself.

It is, however, difficult when you have no understanding of what’s being done to you, and when you can recognise things it can help you understand your own needs more. Yes, still give them their needs so you can get closer together, but also focus on keeping your own. The two books I’m still reading over, and over again, keep helping me recognise what’s good for me.

For the first time, since realising I should do what makes myself happy and comfy, I recognise what I don’t want to allow again. This lead to me not needing to prove myself to others ever again. It was sort of a catch 22 for me, while people still asked me for more, I stopped giving a constant yes. Several people ran away, so to speak, but it has lead to much better things.

I didn’t recognise that I was doing what it pointed out to me; I had just stopped giving freely to certain people who didn’t give me what I needed. Looking after myself felt way better already, then after the disasters, being lead to this book, it helped me put the broken peices back together again. As sad as it was, it helped me understand that I should make sure I’m also taken care of as well. Most importantly, that I also take care of myself again.

It hurts to have to admit it, but I’m glad I’m finally standing up for myself. To some, it’s a dissapointment, but to me: it’s a way better space. It helped me find a way better way to live my life.

We should all love ourselves. Don’t let people degrade you to the point you stop. We’re all in this world together and